I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
