i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Drake has all the answers
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
