He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
