So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize