so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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