Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
