with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
