I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize