Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize