you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just gargled with NyQuil
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
