It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
