I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
