So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize