You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
