Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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