i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
