I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
