god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
