i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize