I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
