We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
