you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Randomize
