I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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