i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
