My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
