Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
