I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
