Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
