We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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