just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
