That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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