Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
