He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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