don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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