Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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