I think I won the penis lottery.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
