I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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