No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
