Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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