i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The struggles of a small town man whore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
