oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
