I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
