Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
