What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
