let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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