i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
