we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
