i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
