This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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