i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
