would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
