Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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