Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
