i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
