Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
