I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
