Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
honey bunches of taint.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
