dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
