apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
