I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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