Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Randomize
