I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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