The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
