so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
