Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Come on in and take your pants off
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