Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
