They should really pass out barf bags in church
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
