we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
