Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
