Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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