sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
