Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize