I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
