I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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